


If You Would've Thought...

by LIKEABOSS1234



Series: Fanfics until June 5(13RW) [5]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, M/M, breaking up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24352033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LIKEABOSS1234/pseuds/LIKEABOSS1234
Summary: Zach says the wrong thing to Alex in an argument and messes up everything they have
Relationships: Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Series: Fanfics until June 5(13RW) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755436
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

“What you did was stupid!” Zach yells towards Alex.

Alex stares at Zach. Zach never yelled and Alex had never seen him this angry before. They are sitting at Rosie’s and talking about Alex juicing.

“I’m sorry, I know it was dangerous,” Alex says, “It’s just, I wasn’t getting any stronger. Steroids seemed like the best option.”

“Alex, you should’ve just  come and talked to me. We could’ve figured something out, but instead you went and got steroids and took the cheating way out.”

Alex felt so ashamed, as he should. He looks down at the floor. 

“I’m really sorry. Luke offered to help me at the beginning of the summer when we were working out, and I didn’t think-” Alex gets cut-off by Zach.

“Well, yeah obviously you didn’t think. If you had thought, we wouldn’t even be here!” Zach exclaims and then immediately covers his mouth. He didn’t mean to says that, it had just slipped out. Alex looks so hurt sitting across from him.

“Really, Zach? That’s how you feel about all of this? Ok, well you know what? We’re done. Let me get out of your perfect little hair,” Alex yells, tears spilling from his eyes, “I’m sorry that this has been so hard on you.” 

Alex gets up and storms out of Rosie’s diner, leaving Zach to think about what he’d done. He couldn’t believe he’d said that, to Alex of all people. Alex was his boyfriend, well it seemed to be ex, now, and he’d just told him that his suicide attempt was an  inconvenience. How did he end up messing up everything in his life that was  good? First Hannah, now Alex. Zach really just had a way of fucking things up. Sighing, he puts his head in his hands. What the hell was he going to do now?

Out in his car, Alex looks through his phone at the pictures of him and Zach. Sure, it was making him so sad that he said they were done, but at the same time, Zach just told him his attempt was the cause of all of his problems. Alex should’ve just listened to his instincts telling him that he was getting on Zach’s nerves anytime they hung out. Maybe then, it being true wouldn’t hurt as bad. He had been silently sobbing, and his sobs were becoming more audible. He quickly dries his eyes as much as possible and starts to drive away as he sees Zach get up inside and start to head out.

Zach walks out of Rosie’s and to his car. He gets in the front seat and immediately screams. He just yells and screams and punches his steering wheel, until he breaks down. He cries and feels his breathing become rapid. He knew what this was; this was a panic attack. He’d never had one before, but had helped Alex calm down from them in the past. He slowly takes deep breathes and stares ahead at the neon lights of the diner to focus. He tries to think of happy thoughts, but all of them are about him and Alex so that just makes everything worse. He finally gets his breathing normal, and takes off driving. He wasn’t planning on going home, though.

Zach goes to the park. He didn’t know why. He just kept driving and ended up here. He goes and sits on the swings. Why couldn’t he just learn to shut his mouth? Poor Alex is probably so upset. All because he said the wrong thing. Why did he always have to say the wrong thing?


	2. Chapter 2

Alex gets  home , and opens the door. 

“Alex, are you home?” asks his mom from the living room. 

“Yeah, mom,” Alex says, going to meet her in the living room. Tears stained his face from everything that happened. 

“Hey...oh, what happened?” Carolyn says, getting up to hug her son. This causes Alex to starts to tear up again. 

“Zach and I got into a huge fight, and he told me that if I’d thought about suicide before attempting, we wouldn’t have even been having the argument,” Alex says, through tears. Carolyn couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Zach always seemed like a good kid and she thought he was good for Alex. 

“Hey, baby, it’s okay. Zach was probably just mad and said the wrong thing,” Carolyn says. She didn’t know if she believed that, but she didn’t want Alex to feel down on himself about this. She wanted him to feel better and whatever she thought about what Zach did didn't matter. 

“No, it’s not okay. I broke up with him,” Alex says. Carolyn just continues to rub her son’s back and whisper comforts to him. 

Zach pushes himself on the swing as he tries to think of ways to make things better between him and Alex. He still couldn’t believe he’d said that to Alex. He had tried to call Alex, but the other boy hadn’t answered. Zach didn’t blame him, to be fair, but he just wanted to explain himself.

‘ _ And what would you say?’  _ Zach thinks to himself. He honestly didn’t know. Why was this just like his situation with Hannah? Why couldn’t he just stop being an idiot and hurting the people he loved? 

Zach then got an idea. He would write a note saying everything he felt and put in a basket with a lot of Alex’s other favorite things, like Sour Patch Kids, books and music he liked. First, however, he had to get home though.

He gets back to his car and goes home. He walks in, being as quiet as possible to make sure he doesn’t wake anyone up, and goes upstairs. He grabs his notebook and starts pouring out his feelings on the paper. He writes about how Alex makes him happier, how he would be lost without Alex, how Alex has helped him through so much without even realizing it.

He finishes the letter, folds it up and then puts it in a drawer by his bedside table. He lies down on his bed and falls asleep, tossing and turning all night.

*****

The next morning, they all have school. Zach planned to go get all the things for Alex after school, but he knew he was going to be miserable throughout the day without Alex talking to him. He walks into the school and walks immediately goes to his locker, ignoring all of his friends. He didn’t think Alex would tell them about what happened, but he still didn’t want to risk talking to them about it. He looks over towards Alex’s locker and sees him looking sadly at a picture of the two of them he had put up in his locker before  basically ripping it down with small tears in his eyes. 

Zach felt so bad. Why had he said that?  He didn’t think that way at all. It didn’t matter now, all that matters is getting Alex to forgive him.

He gets to his first class, English, and sees Alex sitting on the couch in the back of the room talking with Winston Williams. Winston seems to be telling a joke as Alex laughs a second later. Zach can still see the glisten of tears in Alex’s eyes, though, which breaks his heart. He caused all of this.

Even if he did cause all of it and Alex was his own person, Zach can’t help, but feel the jealousy well up in his chest as Winston and Alex talk. It hurt. 

“Zachary Dempsey, what the fuck did you do?” Jessica  whispers -yells as she takes a seat in front of him.

“I messed up,” is all Zach can say.

“Well no shit. What exactly did you do?”  Jessica says. Zach hears more laughter from the couch.

“Alex and I got into a fight about him juicing and he said that he didn’t think and I cut him off and  said, ‘ Well, yeah obviously you didn’t think. If you had thought, we wouldn’t even be here .’ ” He can feel Jess judging him without even looking up.

“ No wonder Alex seems to hate your guts. Are you planning to try to make it up to him?” Jess asks.

“Jessica, would you like to share your discussion with Zach to the class?” Mrs.  Safiya asks. Mrs.  Sayifa insisted her students call her by her first name as she was only 27 years old and calling her by her last name made  her feel old. She either wore clothes that were absolutely insane or she wore all black.

“No ,  Mrs.  Safiya ,” Jess says. Zach looks over towards the couch and sees Alex looking straight back at him. Zach quickly turns away and starts writing a note to Jess when Mrs.  Safiya goes back to teaching  about some book he wasn’t going to actually read.

_ I wrote him a note last night and I’m going to put it in a basket  _ _ with _ _ things he likes _ _.  _ He discreetly passes Jess the note and she scribbles down a response.

** That note better have something important in it because what you said will not be easy for Alex to forgive ** ** you for what you said **

_ I know and it does _

The bell rings and they head to their communications class.

*****

The bell rings and Alex leaves quickly. He really didn’t want to be at school, not with Zach around. He had planned to stay home, but then remembered he had  an important test so he came anyway. He was just going to avoid Zach and get his dad to take him home after third, when his test was.

It hurt so much not to be able to talk to Zach. Being with Zach had become an occurrence he didn’t think he could ever be without, but then that fight happened and he was. 

He had talked to Winston just so he didn’t have to be lonely. Jess only talks to him when she needs something and obviously, he can’t talk to Zach so Winston was fine.

His second flies by and he goes to his third period class. Unfortunately, it’s a class he shares with Zach. He bounces his good leg as the teacher passes out the tests. It was relatively easy. Alex was always good at history. He finishes his test and brings it to the teacher before going back to his desk and texting his dad that he finished his test. A few minutes later, the intercom came on calling Alex to the office. His dad had been working at the school today so it was easy to be able to be brought home.

He got to the office and doesn’t see his dad immediately and sits down. He does see Sheriff Diaz, though. Sheriff Diaz walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“It’ll be okay, Alex,” The sheriff says, “He’s not worth it.”

The sheriff had known about Zach because the day he and Zach had gotten together was a slow day at the station and he went there to tell his dad how happy he was. The sheriff happened to overhear the conversation and congratulated him. He guesses his dad told Diaz what happened between them. He didn’t mind, though. Contrary to what Clay always thought about Diaz, he’s actually a really cool and nice guy.

“Thanks,” Alex says to the sheriff, who smile at him. His dad comes out from where he had been talking to the counsellor and walks over to him.

“You ready to go, buddy?” He asks. Alex nods. Bill smiles sadly at his son. The two of them walk out of the office and out to Bill’s car.

They get in and Alex curls in on himself in the passenger seat. It hurt Bill to see his son torn up about this break-up. It hurt to hear the things Zach said to Alex.

“Pete’s at home so I’m going to go back to the school after I drop you off, is that okay buddy?” He asks his younger son.

“Yeah dad,” Alex says so sadly, voice filled with hurt.

“Do you want something to eat? We can stop and get you something,” Bill says, but Alex just silently shakes his head no. 

“Okay, buddy. I love you,” Bill says.

“I love you too dad,” Alex says. Bill kisses his head before starting to drive. Alex uses his time to think.

Had Zach really meant it? No, there’s no way, not after everything they’ve been through. He couldn’t have.  But, he still said it so what does that mean? Alex played many, many thoughts and situations like this and by the time they got home, tears fell down his face. 

He gets out of the car and immediately goes upstairs. He hears Peter call after him, but doesn’t listen. He just goes to his room and cries. He cries and cries until he eventually passes out.

*****

Zach sits through the school day completely miserable. He just wanted to be able to go and get all of the things for Alex. Especially when he felt eyes on him about what had happened.

“I just want to leave,” Zach tells Jess at lunch, “I think I’m going to ditch the rest of the day. Cover me for the rest of the day?”

“I got you. What are you going to do?” Jessica asks.

“I’m going to get all the stuff for Alex,” Zach says, “I need to try to get Alex to forgive me.”

“Okay, if you need anything, text me,” Jess says.

“I will,” Zach says.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: fandomqueen6754  
> If you'd like to request a one shot, please go to my Tumblr.


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